Our LA Traffic Guide in a Nutshell

Whether or not you’ve just blown the head off of your former associate as he continued to insist, “Man, I don’t even have an opinion,” there are no safe places when it comes to surviving Los Angeles traffic, even if you’ve just felt the touch of God, a bonafide miracle, if you truly believe that “God got involved.” The city traffic sprawl is pure hell. There is no getting around it. But having a good Los Angeles traffic guide might just guide you to purgatory, eventually. There are tricks, and yes they can save you from wasting away years in the bumper to bumper go nowhere Hades that is Los Angeles. Trust us. This is probably the most valuable tourist info you’ll look up online today.

What Twisted Sadist Invented the 405? Here’s a Better Option

For starters, avoid gridlock like a Justin Bieber concert. You just don’t want to go there. Anywhere from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. and 7:30 to 9:30 a.m. is a highway parking lot to the 9th circle of hell. Hit the gym; hit the bar. HIt anything but the highway. Trust us. You’ll thank us later. If you have to commute, oh well, that’s the price of Hollywood stardom, but if you’re a tourist or have anything better to do than wait in traffic, you’ve been warned.

Another top rule in our LA traffic guide is to stay off the 405. Sepulveda Boulevard runs parallel, but moves faster, as in the difference between normal traffic and watching paint dry. It’s windier, but trust us, you’ll get there faster, and you’ll still be going the right direction.